Birds, Bees, and Blood Magic
by Unstoppable Cyborg
Summary: In which blood magic and teen parenting make for a terrible combination. Post Trollhunters season 3, collab with itsanotherfanficwriterohno. Cover art also by itsanotherfanficwriterohno.
1. Chapter 1

**Do I own ****_Trollhunters_****? No. Does my co-author, ****itsanotherfanficwriterohno****, own ****_Trollhunters_****? If she does, she hasn't told me. However, she is the original creator of the Accidental Baby AU**

* * *

Jim liked to think of himself as a pragmatic person. After all, one had to be when they were leading an entire civilization of Trolls across the country.

Giving up half of his human form had changed him outwardly sure, but he was still the same sixteen-year-old boy he'd been before. Mostly. And that included the fact that he had been responsible since he was five.

The journey to New Jersey also left little time for personal endeavors, namely spending time with his girlfriend. Between her magic training with Merlin and his policing (babysitting in all honesty) of their unruly members, getting a little R & R with Claire was a seldom event.

He couldn't help sneak a peek at her. Gods, she was still as beautiful as the day he met her, warm brown eyes and a cute button nose that scrunched when she giggled. Her summer clothing fit her quite nicely, showing off the muscles that she had developed from wielding the Shadow Staff.

Her cheeks reddened when she noticed his staring, a soft smile playing at her lips. She playfully hit him in the shoulder, tucking back the white streak of her bangs.

"Almost done," she said, tapping a spoon to the pewter cauldron. "Let's put the blood into the blood magic."

Jim laughed uneasily.

When she suggested the spell, Jim was most caught off guard by the ingredients for it. It wasn't the easiest list either: tears of a mandrake, bottled sunlight, a slice of the moon, and both his and Claire's blood to name a few. The rest of the ingredients were, thankfully, available from the merchants in their group, who were more than willing to part with them given the long trek of having to carry it all.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Jim asked. Not that he didn't trust his girlfriend, of course. It's just that he worried; her use of dark magic had hurt her before.

"Of course! I've been training with Merlin," Claire said, cheerful about her progress.

"But blood magic?" He stared into the sickly green concoction. "Isn't that supposed to be dangerous?"

Not supposed to be, he inwardly clarified, it was. How had he let her talk him into this?

"You're the one who wanted to walk in the sun." Claire poured in the blood. "It will be—"

The effect was instantaneous. Though he wasn't as sensitive to magic as Claire, the sensation was strong enough to send a shiver down his back despite the growing heat. What in the world had they done?

The cauldron exploded, the brightness emanating from it damn near blinding the two. Jim almost summoned his armor and shield to protect them. Instead, he stood, frozen in place as the scene came into view.

Oh sweet merciful Deya. What had they done?

The green smoke cleared to show a small figure. He almost thought it was a gnome, but it was closer in size to NotEnrique. Familiar brown eyes blinked up at them, framed by chubby cheeks and a tinier version of his own nose. Coupled with the similar blue-tinged skin and elven ears, there was no doubt in his mind what had transpired.

"...Get Blinky?" he asked, voice cracking as he said his mentor's name.

Claire grew pale, pupils dilated as far as they could go. She nodded. "Get Blinky."


	2. Chapter 2

The baby cried.

_The road to new Trollmarket may be paved with good ideas_, Claire thought as she tried to soothe the infant, _but everything's easier said than done_. Jim wasn't much help, considering that she was more experienced around babies than he was. To say the baby was a surprise was an understatement; nothing in the spell stated _anything_ about accidentally creating an entire person!

It was frustrating — nothing she did with Enrique worked — and all Jim could do was fret about, instinctively growling at every passerby like a guard dog (which would, admittedly, be funny, if the baby wasn't trying to destroy their eardrums).

Of course, Merlin was nowhere to be seen. His appearances were pretty touch-and-go, and he hated the idea of texting more than her great-uncle so she had no way to contact the wizard. He was seeing the world, or so he claimed, trying to find out what had changed in the centuries he had been asleep. Claire sighed, adjusting the bundled "blanket" cradled against her chest. It was Jim's suggestion, covering the material in his own scent to disguise the child, and maybe if the baby slept instead of screaming it would have worked. Claire's cheeks burned with embarrassment as she was greeted by Trolls along the route, offering glug, cat, and whatever else they could spare to the maiden who helped destroy Morgana and rescued them when they were trapped in the gyre station. While their thanks wasn't unappreciated, some of the items they thanked her _with_ were.

Jim placed a comforting hand against the small of her back. This wouldn't be easy. Claire swallowed as she looked down at the blanket. Every second or two she could feel him squirm about, reminding her of how insane all of this was.

This wasn't just any child. It was _theirs_. Claire had no doubt in her mind, especially after seeing her own eyes reflecting back at her from beneath the cloth. She had screwed up, again, and now, they faced one of their biggest hurdles yet. And it wasn't even one they could defeat by fighting.

"Nothing's working," she said, desperation riding her voice. It made sense that none of the warm-soft-dark-can-hear-heartbeat things that she had tried on Enrique would work, since the baby was born from a spell instead of the usual way. He wouldn't accept anything from either of them. Claire didn't want to try putting her finger in the baby's mouth to soothe him, because even though he was less than an hour old he already had teeth like Jim's, though his underbite was less pronounced.

Claire _really_ hoped that the baby she accidentally made in a cauldron didn't have colic to boot.

"What should we do?" her boyfriend fretted, nose twitching as he tried to stem yet another growl at a close by merchant. His shoulders rose with every breath, a telltale sign of his anxiety issues.

It didn't take long for the man, or rather, troll of the hour to appear.

"What happened now," the six-eyed troll complained, looking for the source of the screaming.

Claire adjusted her blanket, the child's head popping out from under the sheets.

Blinky blinked blankly. Claire could only guess as to what was going through his mind.

"Deya's Grace," Blinky remarked, shuffling both of them into a secluded area. "Jim, if you're going to keep growling, then hold the whelp, would you? It'll calm them down."

"It's not what you think," Jim said, taking the baby from Claire.

She watched as Jim heistantly pressed the child to his chest, Blinky adjusting the position of his hands below and on the baby's back to support him. The baby stopped crying. Claire tried not to scowl; sure, she had _experience_ calming down Enrique but _apparently _their baby needed his dad's growling or something.

"No, it's _exactly _what you think," she corrected.

"That you found an orphaned whelp?" Blinky asked, which was _not_ what Claire thought Blinky thought. "And they're so small, too; no trollish parent would willingly leave their whelp alone at that age."

The baby forced a hand through the blankets and reached towards Claire. A bit of triumph blossomed in her chest that momentarily distracted her from the worry eating away at her thoughts. Jim might be able to calm the baby down, but the infant wanted _her. _Claire carefully took the sated child from Jim's hands, holding him in a way that hopefully wouldn't cause another crying session.

"Do you know what happened to their parents?" Blinky continued, the conspiracy and leadership gears still going. "Where did you find the whelp?"

Claire wanted to cry. This was _so_ not how she wanted to spend her Saturday night. "Okay, looks like we'll need to give an explanation then. Oh boy."

"I was telling Claire about some personal things," Jim started as Blinky crossed his upper two arms, "you know, half-troll stuff—"

"—And when I found the spell I thought I could use it to help Jim," she interrupted to give her side of the issue. Jim wasn't the one who chose to do this. If anyone needed to be punished, it was her.

His eyes softened. "Awww. Claire."

She continued. "So when I did the spell, well…"

"We think something went wrong."

"_You think?" _She raised an incredulous brow. The baby on her hip gurgled.

"Anyways," he said after a long pause. "We thought we should talk to you first."

"Right. What Jim said."

"So that's how we ended up with a baby." Jim rubbed at the hair on the back of his head. He lowered his hand after he accidentally knocked it against his horns. "Crazy, huh?"

"Surprise!" Claire said, hoping she didn't sound as nervous as she felt. "Ha, ha, ha…"

"Great Gronka Morka! Claire, what have I told you about dark magics?" That they were dangerous and that she could be killed or, well, she supposed that this was another form of linking herself to another being. Claire adjusted her grip on the baby and took Jim's hand for moral support. He reciprocated immediately.

"You could have been killed! And Jim," Blinky continued, casting a glare of disapproval at the teen, "honestly, I cannot believe you went through with the idea. This is by far the, one of the most irresponsible things you two have ever done. How are you going to feed him? This isn't one of your flour sacks. This is a living being. I am disappointed in you two."

The two shared a look. What sort of punishment would they receive? Claire hoped Jim and the baby would be spared. Would she get sent back to Arcadia? A shiver traveled down her spine. No, she wouldn't go back. Going back to Arcadia meant going back to all the things that reminded her of Morgana and Claire… she wasn't ready for that yet.

Besides, she had grown attached to the little nugget. Jim might be able to calm him down, but he had his job as Trollhunter. What would they do if they were separated?

Blinky sighed. Dragging a hand down his face, he remarked, "But what's done is done. I trust you two will take responsibility?"

Jim nodded eagerly. "Of course, Blinky."

"We promise," she said, smiling in relief. Had she been telling her parents, she got the feeling that there would be a lot more crying from people who were more than a year old.

Her eyes narrowed as thoughts began to form.

Fudgeknuckle.

She was going to have to tell her parents.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim eyed the store, discomfort thinly veiled behind a veneer of polite interest. It had been a while since he had been around any human other than Claire or Merlin, and the feeling that something was about to go wrong was not one he could shake. His glamour mask could fall off; they could walk by some sort of UV lamp; the baby could try to escape the sling and reveal he was only three-quarters human.

Yeah. Lots of worrying possibilities there.

"Are you sure why can't just get all this stuff on Amazon or something?" he asked. Or maybe his mom could send him something… if he actually told her about this. Suffice to say, he wasn't looking forward to that conversation.

"Amazon doesn't deliver underground, plus we're constantly on the move. I can't accurately plan on which Amazon locker I should order to."

Taking a deep breath, Jim walked into the store with Claire and baby in tow. They followed the signs to the baby section. They wouldn't need a crib, not yet, not while they were still constantly on the move. The same went for a high-chair and changing table. Once they got to New Jersey, he could construct a proper nursery, or something.

Next to him, Claire released a gleeful noise. A smile split the nervous frown upon his lips. Jim watched as she perused the different clothing, carefully measuring the material to the baby in her makeshift sling.

"Should we get clothes that he can grow into, or do you want to get that later?"

"I mean, we don't know how fast he'll grow, and since we're on the move I'm not sure how much you want to carry."

Jim nodded, his thoughts returning to their earlier conversation. The baby wasn't a newborn, but he wasn't self-sufficient enough to be left on his own either. Claire guessed him to be between three to four months at the most, since he could sit up on his own. She had commented that she couldn't get a good read since he already had teeth, though, but according to Blinky that was _normal_ for troll whelps.

Normal. Jim looked down at his even hands. Even now, beneath the glamour, he could feel the cool stony skin he had yet to grow accustomed to. The baby had taken after him in that regard too, and other ways too he suspected.

"Which shade of blue do you think would look better on him?" Claire asked. Jim looked up and saw her holding two onesies. "I don't want it to clash with, well…" She gestured to the entire form of the baby, likely referring to his skin tone.

"You're asking me?"

"Well, you _are _his father. By the way, could you hold him? He's getting heavy for me."

"But—"

"He's a baby, Jim the Babyhanded. You babysat Enriq—wait, no." She paused. "It's only for a few minutes. Just do that kitty purring thing Blinky taught you."

"It is _not _kitty purring," he grumbled. When trading off the sling, they were careful to keep their child away from any potential prying eyes. Not that there were, thankfully; most people would be asleep right now.

A moment later and Claire was gone, leaving them in the baby clothes aisle.

Jim gulped. He hadn't been left alone with the baby before. What if he dropped him? He had no idea if the baby had inherited his trollish endurance, but he also didn't know if troll whelps had anywhere near the endurance they did as adults.

The baby gurgled, tiny hands tugging at his shirt. The little hat Blinky supplied for the child had begun to fall off, revealing unruly dark hair that rivaled his own. Quickly, Jim adjusted the hat so his ears were covered. It was here the baby did something unexpected.

Without warning, the infant pressed his cheek against Jim's palm, eyes half-lidded as a nap drew upon them. He blew a few tiny bubbles, which made Jim's heart flutter.

_Oh._

So this was what parents felt. Most of them, at least.

"Hey there, little guy," he whispered.

A burst of warmth developed in his chest. Maybe they could do this parenting stuff after all.

"Jim!" Claire called from a few aisles away. "Come look at this!"

"_This"_ turned out to be a pastel blue blanket with darker blue 1955-era NSU motorcycles running horizontally across the fabric. The blanket was a larger one, too, one that their son could grow into as he grew up.

"That's amazing," Jim said. "Do you think they sell baby name books?

Claire shrugged. "You want to go find one while I go look for formula? And if they don't have any we could always check the next store. Not like we get much cell reception underground anyway, or else we could just look up names online."

"True," he sighed. "I miss constant internet access."

She nudged him playfully. "Me too. I'm sure we'll be able to set up some sort of Wi-Fi when we get to New Jersey."

Gathering the rest of the baby supplies went by fast. By the time they were through, they had an entire cart full of things for the kiddo and even then, they would probably need to get more things along the road (namely diapers, Claire explained to Jim's astonishment, especially after she told him how many one baby would _need_).

There were people at the front of the store, and not just the various employees but also the customer's whose late-night purchases they were ringing up. Jim frowned. He made sure the glamour mask was on tight, and checked to make sure no one would be able to see blue skin through the sling.

A wave of relief filled him when they finally reached the front of the line. They could pay and then go, well, not _home,_ but to the trolls' camp. If they were lucky, they could even play with the baby for a bit before they had to hit the road once more. Let him stretch his limbs a bit before he was cooped up in the sling for hours on end.

Jim tried very hard not to growl as a woman, slightly older than his mom, began placing boxes of cereal on the conveyor belt behind them. It wasn't like he wanted to, but the way she smelled made the hair on back prickle. She looked up from her breakfast foods and frowned at him and Claire. Jim checked once more to make sure that _no one's_ blue-tinted skin could be seen. It couldn't. His brow furrowed. What was the problem, then?

It might not of been him, he tried to tell himself, it might have been that she was mad about her favorite cereal being out of stock or the rising price of breakfast foods. He doubted it though. Call it paternal instinct, a Trollhunter's intuition, or even just anxiety, but he got the feeling that the woman's ire was directed at him, his girlfriend, and their son. From the way Claire's shoulders had tensed, he got the feeling that she felt a similar way.

"That will be one hundred and thirty dollars and forty-two cents. Would you like to pay by cash or credit?" the tired cashier asked. She paused, lips pursing. "We don't take food stamps here."

Jim's eyes widened. Before he could say anything however, Claire placed a hand on his shoulder.

"People shouldn't have kids they can't pay for," the woman behind them said. So _that_ was her problem.

"We'll pay in credit, please," Claire announced, her actress smile so good Jim almost fell for it. Heck, he _would've _fallen for it at the beginning of the school year, back when he didn't know to look for the signs. Becoming half-troll had also given him an additional perception and, going by the way Claire smelled, she was _pissed_. She was quiet, though, as they loaded everything into bags, and was quiet until they left the store.

"Why do people have to be so… _ugh?"_ Claire ranted. "And yeah, he's our kid and yeah I am going to have to explain why I have such a large purchase as well as _everything else_ to my parents but seriously? Like, she didn't know our finances, heck, he's young enough to be my brother and for all _she_ knew he could have been!"

"Why didn't you say anything then?" Jim asked.

Claire released a deep sigh. Her shoulders dropped, lips forming a thin line. "Because I'm not going to lie and say he's my brother. Even when I went shopping with Enrique people would throw me looks, as if being a young mother was some horrible thing. I mean, it's not like I planned this, but no one deserves to be treated that way. Besides, we're never going to see her again, and it's been a long enough night already."

"You're right," he said, free hand enclosing around hers. He gave it a soft squeeze, careful not to use his regular strength. "No matter what, we'll face this together. Head on."

She laughed. "Thanks, Romeo."

"Anything for you, Juliet."


End file.
